It was dawn. The night has passed, another day has come. Another day for war.
To avoid... issues... I went out early for my routine. Some stamina training, exercises to build my strength, and some quiet time, with only an hour to spare. Well, as much as I think that an hour is not enough, it shall do, with how much I have to... endure... if I am enjoined by others. I don’t need another round of it. I work best in solitude, without distractions.
In the
battlefield, I am dubbed as “Cass the Starry-Eyed.” The most decorated
scout-sniper in the history of the Aquille Army. Bowing my head down, I quietly
conducted my role, bringing pivotal advantage to our war efforts. Every
skirmish we win is another accolade fastened on my Sash of Honor. When I go on
formal gatherings, it must’ve looked like I have a rainbow of feathers as my
cloak. That’s how much I have sacrificed for the relative peace we enjoy, and
for the honorable place that I have in society. So much sacrifice... from me...
Let’s
talk about the enemy: The Empire of Croaw, our eternal adversaries, waged war
on us some centuries ago. They started this unceasing war over this one
location: an island that bears a vital symbol of friendship between us and
them.
It is
dubbed by both the Aquilleans and Crowans as “Isle of Black and White,” and at
the center is The Scales, a relic that can perceive the soul and its truth.
Every year, ten... candidates... are selected by the Aquilleans and the Crowans
to send to the Isle for eventual selection. Upon arrival, these twenty are
tested and culled (just sent back home), leaving five candidates for each side.
Then, each side chooses the final candidate for the opposite side, and the two
are then “measured” by the Scales, and whoever the Scales weight heavily
becomes the primary Mediator, one who acts as messenger. Sometimes, it grants a
vision on why they chose one over the other, in the spirit of fairness.
Regardless of where they came from, the two become inhabitants of the island,
exiled from their former homes, a gesture that they now work for the betterment
of both sides.
Today, we
are all out for war. A battle both sides long to end, hopefully with victory on
their side: By being the side chosen as primary Mediator. And they are so
insistent on sending me, Cass the Starry-Eyed. I was hesitant at first,
thinking that they have found a way to get rid of me for good. They still think
of me as a lunatic, despite all the clarity I have given to the Aquilleans.
Despite the rainbow cloak of accolades I have amassed, I am still sentenced to
this.
I
relented, maybe because, in my mind, they might be right. I’ve not seen myself
as whoever they saw me. I was right, in my eyes. A beacon of purity and
honesty. Why can’t they see it, from my eyes? Am I that of a monster,
with all the people I have slaughtered in the holy name of Aquille?
On the
day before I left for the Isle, my parents were both relieved and hopeful. “Do
your best, my dear Cass,” my father said. “Become the best Mediator this world
has ever seen,” landing a firm grip on my shoulders. “And, no matter how you
see yourself, I support you. Even if I cannot see it clearly like you do,” I
felt reassured.
My
mother, on the other hand... “Oh my dear husband, let’s help out our dear
son with his belongings. We may no longer see him regularly, only when we visit
the Isle. But that’s for his...” my father began to shush her. Maybe because
he saw in my eyes... a world blackened by this... insult.
“My love.
Don’t you still see it? If not, then you should head home. You’re no longer
needed here,” he said with a stern voice. My mother was about to begin a
whirlwind of arguments, but she, for a change, conceded and headed back.
“Just
remember, you’re our dear son, Cassius. You cannot change that,” she
said with a very hurtful laugh on her way out of the scene. I felt my eyes
become moist, like it’s holding back a dam’s worth of tears. All of a sudden,
an embrace was given to me by my father. I felt safe... secure... and I can
feel his sorrow.
“Forget
what she said. Whoever you wish to be, you will become. Remember that. I
believe in you and your innate power. Now, depart from here, and leave all the
pain and anguish you received from her... From... me... I’m sorry, Cass, for
what I have done to you in the past.” Oh father, I have forgiven you. You’re
my father who has seen my true self once, after all.
“Now, be
free, my daughter,” his face is stern and stoic, a requirement for
dignified men of this era. But I burst out crying. His embrace became tighter,
just how a father would console their sons from all their childhood crying
fits.
“Now,
now, let it out. Do not cry over this no more, for I truly see you for who you
truly are... Cassia the Starry-Eyed.” I looked into his eyes. My
intentions to ask this question might be too obvious: “Can I, an Aquillean
Female, be able to participate in the selection?”
“You’re
not yet truly free, my dear daughter. You’re still bound to this mortal flesh
as Cassius. But, maybe, you could use it to your advantage?” It was at
this moment that I felt a surge of power wash over me, like I can do
everything, even break free from this mortal bind of my physique.
“I will,
my father. I, Cassia Griste, will bring you true honor. I swear this on my
honor as an Aquillean, and as your daughter, General Darius the Reason,” my
vow that I will never break has been uttered once more. I remember the time
when I was laughed at when I told this on my oath-taking rites. They told me...
such hurtful things... Words that keep clouding my mind and heart. All
falsehoods, but the more I hear them, the more they seem to take shape into
truth and reality.
“What? You’re not a girl, Cassius!”
“Wait, is that why
you want us to call you, ‘Cass’?”
“I
don’t think that we sent girls to war, right?”
“No, you idiot! He’s
a man, like us! It’s only on his crazy mind that he sees himself as ‘she.’”
“Maybe
he fancies us, hmm?”
“I mean, he could give us... relief... Maybe he
wants that?”
“What a scandalous
thing to say!”
“Who
are you to declare that you’re a girl?
“Are
you defying the gods?”
“Which
mushroom did you ate for you to say this, huh?”
“Maybe he needs to be taken away. What a lunatic.”
“How
will your bloodline continue?”
“You cannot give
birth, remember that.”
“Remember, Cassius,
son of Darius. Swear on your honor as a man..”
I dread
for another round of it. I don’t need any of that drivel anymore. That’s
why I gave myself to my duty. Maybe if I get all the accolades, I will be seen
better... But really, this selection of me to go to the Isle is their way of
removing me from the picture.
They had
their way. They won.
For now.